I don’t like spending too much time with you because its just

so much harder to leave. 

And all these colors make me think of a part of you I miss.

I’d rather be in black and white.

I have grown so awfully and incredibly attached to the idea of never having to let you go and I’m afraid of never being able to say how I feel because

if I lose you, I’d lose a whole entire portion of what makes me bearable and what makes me 

you

I think of how limited our time is and I get angry. I fight against the unbeatable and I feel like I’m fighting fire with a broken match and nothing is alright and nothing is changing and I’m just ashes of what we used to be.

I’ve written so many things in so many places and I write it on anything that will take me and anything that will listen and I’ve left you in places we’ve never been and places we always go. 

And I’m waiting for the day when you turn around and start chasing me because I have found it so exhausting to keep running after something that is always thousands of miles away

I think you are one of the most wonderful people in my life and I have grown so astoundingly attached to the idea of you never leaving and I am having a hard time explaining how I 

feel and I guess its partly my fault for letting you so close and I’ve made myself sick over the fact that I can’t tell you the right things and say the right words and really to sum it all up I just love you so much it makes my sides hurt and my lungs jump out from behind my bones and all I want to do is reach out and pick you up and keep you safe under my skin because

that’s where you are anyways

so I guess for now I’ll write it on things that don’t make sense but I saw this color and it made me think of you and I picked it up and 

took it home

and wished you would do the same with 

me