I feel like there’s stains all over every part of me and I could live underwater and I could swim through salt and they’d never go away. They’re like a tattoo I never asked for and they spell out all the things I’ve done to ruin what you have. I hate you for getting under my skin and I hate myself even more for allowing you to. Someone needs to turn the lights off in my life to make me realize I still can’t find my way around in the dark because I keep using you to guide me even though you’re guiding someone else. And god maybe it’s me who’s made this so awful and maybe I’m to blame and I feel all the stains coming up from under my skin again and they’re rising like the temperature and I can’t hide them and I’m steaming and soon enough I’ll explode. And I just can’t hide it. From you or from me or from anyone because at the end of the day I’m still green with a feeling I shouldn’t have and my skin glows in the dark. And when I look in the mirror I see something so different from what I thought I was and who we thought we were. I am so lost and I’m not too sure I ever want to find my way back because coming back means coming home to you and I don’t think I deserve even that much. If we’re anchors I wish I’d sink so far and break away so no one could ever bring me back because at this point I’d rather be in the dark then ever let you guide me again.